HERBISM #129 – Great Leaders Are Shame Resilient

Shame is the fear of disconnection.

In order to live happy, healthy, and productive lives we all need to experience authentic connection with those with whom we need to interact.

Shame resilience is the ability to practice authenticity when we experience shame, to move through the experience without sacrificing our values, and to come out on the other side of the shame experience with more courage, compassion, and connection than we had going into it (Brene Brown, Author and Internationally acclaimed shame researcher).

Empathy is considered to be the only antidote to shame. So, another way of looking at shame resilience is the ability to move from shame to empathy. But, for most people that is hard, because empathy requires being vulnerable and taking off our armor.

Brown ensures that when talking about shame, she emphasizes:

Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience. We all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame are those who lack the capacity for empathy and human connection.
We’re all afraid to talk about shame. Just the word is uncomfortable.
The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.

This is a very important, but deep subject, which unfortunately most people do not want to deal with. Not dealing with it won’t make it go away, but usually results in a higher incidence of unproductive behaviors, which take more time and effort to resolve than establishing a shame resilient culture in the first place.

The good news is that shame resilience is possible, teachable, and accessible for leaders and their teams.

The following resources from Brene Brown provide insights into courage, shame, vulnerability, and empathy: